This year I discovered I could put a new twist on an old resolution:
Originally I wrote this with my kids in mind. This year, though it occurred to me that much of what I’ve been working on for myself and with clients is about the (misguided) notion we’ve been given that others cause us to feel bad or good. Kids, husbands, wives, co-workers, bosses… most people will tell us that these others make them happier or unhappier.
Happy people know differently. They won’t sacrifice their own well-being just because someone else is unhappy — and/or behaving badly. It’s like the first rule I learned in lifeguarding: you have to maintain enough distance and control that you don’t get pulled under by the panicked swimmer.
The same is true with emotions and behavior: you do the most good for others by standing in your own happy place and seeing the best in them, even if they are off their game at the moment. Have you ever noticed that when people feel good about themselves, they appreciate you as you are, they are accepting and want you to share in their happiness?
It can be really annoying.
The point is, if you are going to hang out together, either you cheer up and join them in their happy place– or you bring them down a few notches to join you. The same thing happens in reverse — if you’re the happier one, are you going to let someone else pull you down or will you stand firm in your own happy zone, like a beacon calling them to join you?
It occurs to me that behind most resolutions is a single desire: the desire to feel happier. So why not make that a resolution for 2016? How about resolving to stand strong in your happy place, even if someone else tries to share their unhappiness?
Happy 2016!