10 Reasons to Stop Blaming Parents
Blaming parents is a favorite mind game — and not just with teens. The media and other professionals often find it fun to blame parents for everything that they think is “wrong” with the younger generation. As the fall semester comes to a close, here are my Top 10 Reasons to Stop Blaming Parents:
10. It makes you old.
When we say, “We used to play outside alone at age 5,” or “My parents didn’t help with my homework,” we sound just like the old guys who used to say, “I walked a mile to school in the snow” and “Spare the rod, spoil the child.”
9. Every old generation thinks the young generation is ruined.
Nothing more to say about that. Just listen to the quotes in the media.
8. Every old generation thinks the world is getting worse.
People don’t like change they can’t control and the older they get, usually the less they like it. Plus we cannot predict the future. So, older people tend to think change is bad and they project the future world to be just like the past– and think if it’s not, it’s a disaster.
7. Kids are resilient.
Kids are naturally resilient. Watch a young kid have a bad moment or a bad day — and then five minutes later they’re laughing and having fun again. If parents screw up, they give their kids more opportunities to build resilience.
6. Sometimes parents do everything “right” and their kids still find a different path.
Even parents who don’t “hover” or “smother,” sometimes have kids who refuse to fall in line. That’s because the kids have a different vision for their lives. It doesn’t make the parents wrong.
5. Kids will be living in a different world.
It’s really funny for me to read quotes from 1970s politicians that say things like, “Rock and Roll will be the ruin of this generation.” I love it! They had no clue– and that’s okay. I grew up in a different world than they did.
4. Kids are not victims.
If we blame parents for over-coddling their kids, we are saying the kids are helpless victims. A healthier (and more accurate) way to see kids is as capable, creative, resilient spirits who have their own inner guidance and will take their own journeys.
3. There is not One True Way to parent.
Some parents that we might label as “neglecting” or “irresponsible,” have kids who are resourceful, independent and successful. Some parents that we might label as “appropriately strict” or “responsible,” have kids who are rebellious and act-out. No one has the “truth” of parenting.
2. If parents love their kids, they’ve done all they can.
After 60 years studying “the cream of the crop” men from Harvard, George Vaillant notes that a) they came from a wide variety of parenting styles and b) if the child had a loving relationship with anyone (parent or not), he was more likely to be successful and happy in life.
1. Parents are perfect.
Parents are human and humans learn, grow, and change always. So parents are perfect humans.